Monday, August 26, 2013

Where has the time gone?

I can't seem to figure out how Ella became 9 1/2 months already. Did I blink at some point and miss the last 9 months?? How did we get to the point of her cruising around the furniture, laughing constantly, having a personality, and being the most important part of my life? When did things change? For the life of me, I can't figure out where the time has gone. I know everyone says that it goes by so quickly, but they are downplaying it! It feels like just yesterday when I had plans to move to North Carolina, when I found out I was pregnant, when I went into labor, when we celebrated her six month birthday. How did all of this pass by without me realizing that time was slipping away from me?

Somehow Ella is a big girl already, and I am overwhelmed by it. Next thing I know she will be going to pre-school, grade school, high school, and then college. How do mothers handle this? I can't imagine letting her out of my sight even for daycare. How am I going to handle a future of letting go?? Even now, I become so overcome with such a deep love for her that I am caught off guard by it. I love everything about this child. Daycare is a fast-approaching likelihood, and I am panicking on the inside about it. I keep talking about how badly I am ready to go back to work, but how can I leave her? I know mothers go through this everyday, but it doesn't make it any easier. My attachment to Ella and vice versa is so strong that I do not know how to spend a day without her. I've never been away from her for more than 4-5 hours.

I'm watching her sleep right now as I blog and drink my decaf, and there is such a peacefulness about her that it immediately gives me peace. Ella is the most important thing to me. Now I get why nothing compares to a mother's love for her child.

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