Friday, March 7, 2014

The Emotions of Being a Mother

being a mother is learning about strengths you didnt know you had and dealing with fears you didnt know existed.

I was fiddling around on Facebook tonight out of boredom while Ella was sleeping next to me, and I made the mistake of clicking on one of those pages about a child that has passed away. I usually know better than to click on those anymore because of how incredibly emotional I get now that I am a mom. I did it anyway though, and it was only minutes before I was in tears for this child and her mother that I had never even heard of 10 minutes earlier. I read through this mother's posts about losing her child to an accident in which she almost drowned and was then in a coma for 14 months and I just couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. I looked at the smiling pictures of this 2 year old little girl and felt that I personally had suffered a loss.

This is when the full scope of what being a mother means really hit me. The moment you weep and mourn for a child that you've never met before but immediately empathize with the grief her mother is going through. Everyone talks about how being a mom means being a maid, chauffeur, chef, booboo-kisser, etc. and all of those things are things a mom does but being a mother really means knowing a love so deep and unconditional that you know words will never describe the way you feel about your child but that that will never stop you from trying to explain it to them. Being a mother is crying tears of sadness and pain at the thought of a woman losing the most important thing she has ever accomplished. Being a mother means not having to speak words of comfort to a mom that has lost her child but simply knowing to offer her a shoulder to cry on because no words will ease the pain. Being a mother is finding joy in laying beside your sleeping child at night watching her chest rise and fall with each breath she takes and smiling at the pool of drool she is making. Being a mother is not being able to resist saying "I love you" to your child 100 times a day. Being a mother is knowing to never take for granted the time you have with your child. Being a mother is being willing to openly embrace all of the emotions that come with motherhood and never being ashamed to weep for the pain and loss that comes with living in this world nor being embarrassed to jump for joy everytime your child smiles at you.

Some people would say that I've only been a mother for 16 months so who I am to speak on what other women have done for years, but I believe that every woman that has a child (through any means) knows about all of the emotions that come with parenting. The love, joy, fear, guilt, happiness, sadness, and every other emotion you could possibly imagine are all there from the moment you set eyes on your child.

Before having Ella, I would have read that story on Facebook and been sad for the family that had to experience losing a child. Then I would have moved on. Not out of coldness, but simply because what else was I supposed to do? I didn't understand the true pain that came with losing a child. Now that I have Ella, I feel such a deep hurt for anyone that loses a child that it scares me. How can someone that has never even met this family feel such pain for them?

By being a mother.


christy brown said...

Reading this brought tears to my eyes! I can relate in my own way. I have gone through a lot in my attempts to be a mommy. I have gone through labor at 5 months to a stillborn precious little baby boy. His umbilical cord was tied at his little belly button. I trust that Yahweh had other plans for him and I. After that I have had an incredible bond with other mothers who have had miscarriages or been in the same situation as me. I have a hard time with comforting others in their time for need because I simply do not know what to say or do. I feel awkward. When it comes to someone who has lost their precious child though, I can relate and can comfort them with sweet words and verses because I know them by heart. I feel that I have been put in many wonderful ladies lives because I can, in a small way, offer support to get through the grief and sadness they are going through.

That bond you have with other mother's is such an amazing thing. To be able to feel such sadness for that family just shows the love that you have in your heart. An unconditional love. A comforting love. You have grown so much after having Ella. You are an amazing woman. I feel blessed to have family like you. Btw- I am not 100% certain if my response here goes spot on with your blog but it hit my heart and I felt like sharing. On the same note, I have become such an animal lover since not being able to have my own children. By no means am I comparing my sweet Paisley to a child BUT I have a strong bond with her. When I found out about your mom losing Baby I cried. A lot. For a few days. I know she feels so lonely without her. I was never fond of that dog but I understand the bond she shared with her. I was watching Flipped Out on Bravo channel the other day and caught the episode that Jeff has to put his cat down because of his health issues. I couldn't stop the tears. It's almost embarrassing. I was almost to the point of hyperventilating. Seriously. The show showed Jeff having to decide to put Monkey down and then they sedated him and showed him passing. I can't imagine having to make that decision with Paisley. It hurts to even think about it. I am wiping the tears away as I type.

It's so crazy the way we all have ended up in the last few years. You are a wonderful mommy to the sweetest baby Ella and I have the closest bond with a dog that I allow to lick my face and eat off my plate. Imagine that... :-)

Lyndsey Mosley said...

Having a fur baby is so important too. It just shows what a mothering nature you have. :) and I believe that you are right about being meant to offer advice and words of comfort to others that experience what you have gone through. No matter what the future holds for you, you will always be able to give comfort to women in a way that few others can. And I am proud of you for doing so and not just shutting down after times of hardship because I can only imagine just how it feels to birth a child that won't be screaming for his mommy. But your strength is greater than even you realize I think. Things have definitely changed a lot in the last couple of years. I never expected to actually want to be a SAHM but it is what truly makes me happy. Maybe that will change eventually but for now I am content. And that means a lot. I miss you. I love you. And I am sooooo incredibly proud of you!

Eva Marie Taylor said...

I do the same thing...hurt and mourn with others who have experienced a loss. I am such a sensitive person that this post had me teary eyed and if I would've read that article I would've been crying, too! I know being a mom ourselves we can only imagine what a loss like that would feel like and it breaks my heart to even think about it. I love all your descriptions of what being a mother is!
Eva Marie Taylor

Lyndsey Mosley said...

Thanks for reading! The emotions can be so overwhelming with how much they vary even from day-to-day. Being a mom is the greatest joy but can also bring you your lowest of lows. I'm glad that you could relate!

s jones said...

You have such a great blog! I nominated you for a Liebster Award!

Lyndsey Mosley said...

Thanks so much for reading and for the nomination!!