Disappointment is a hard pill to swallow

I am not usually one to admit if the actions of another person are upsetting to me, especially not in such a public forum, but disappointment has been a feeling I have had to get accustomed to lately. And that in itself is disappointing. Even before I got pregnant with Ella, I knew that my choices with my life would make others unhappy. But this is my life. Unfortunately, several people do not seem to understand that part.

Growing up in a small town in Alabama has its perks, but it most definitely has its downfalls. Namely, close-mindedness. I always knew that I didn't really see things the way that most of my peers and several of my family members did. But I was also raised to be respectful, so I kept my mouth shut about my differences of opinion. Until I went to college at least. Even though I stayed in-state for college, I was exposed to completely new things. Ultimately, those new experiences are what led me to Ella. And I regret none of my choices. Ella is an amazing person and has truly shown me what unconditional love really means. How could I not be happy with having her in my life?

I knew that when I told people that I was pregnant there would be some naysayers. However, I did not think that those same people that loved me and raised me my entire life would simply walk away. But they did. There are multiple people that I have not seen or even spoken to since I announced my pregnancy. My heart hurts to think of this, but it also hurts to think that they will not know Ella. She brings such joy and happiness to my life, and I want to share her with everyone I love so they can experience even a fraction of what I feel everyday. I am not able to wrap my head around the thought that I would love someone less or completely abandon them based on their decision to find happiness in the way that they choose. And how do you not just love a baby??

None of this is to say that I love anyone in my family less or that I am angry with them. I am truly not. I'm just disappointed. Luckily, there have been so many people in my family and so many friends that have completely supported Ella and I. Those are the people that make the disappointment a little easier to handle. Some days (like today, well the last week actually) are just harder to deal with. Disappointment and hurt come in all shapes and sizes, but the good thing about having these types of weeks is that you learn that you can withstand so much more than you thought possible. And I can't say all of my disappointment has come from family alone. Sometimes those you are the closest to really can hurt you the most. But I do know that before Ella I would have never been able to handle hearing the things I have been told or experiencing the deep hurt that comes with learning that things may not work the way you envisioned. But knowing that Ella needs me has made me incredibly strong for her sake. I will do everything I can to make sure she is happy and knows that she is loved. Ultimately, Ella will be happy. And because of her, I will be happy. No one can take that away.